Artemis And The Educated Homeless

WARNING! The following story has been enhanced for your amusement.

Artemis sat on a bench in a shaded corner of a small headland near the edge of a cliff overlooking the Pacific, lazily eating a chocolate bar and watching the slow flying and diving of a group of pelicans as they fished a few yards offshore. Out of the corner of her eye Artemis also noticed with some interest the hesitating hoverings of a human figure, which had passed and repassed her seat two or three times at shortening intervals, like a wary pelican about to alight on a tasty morsel. Shortly the figure came to rest on the bench within easy talking distance of its occupant. The dirty clothes, the aggressive grizzly beard, and the furtive shifty eyes of the newcomer told of the professional scrounger, the man who would rather undergo hours of humiliating whining and rejection than try a half a days work. For a while the newcomer stared straight ahead in a fixed unseeing gaze; then his voice broke out with "Its a strange world."

As this met with no response he altered it to a question.

"I suppose you've noticed how strange it is?"

"As far as I'm concerned," said Artie, " the strangeness has worn off a bit in the course of thirtysomething years"

"Ah," said the person,"I could tell you things you'd hardly believe. Marvelous things that have really happened to me."

"Not much call for marvelous things that have really happened nowadays" said Artie discouragingly; "the movies and TV fiction do it so much better". The stranger moved uneasily in his seat; then he opened a new field.

"I take it that you are a Christian," he observed.

"I am a prominent and I think I may say an influential member of the cult of the Squishy Bear, a Graphite community on AOL e-mail and the Internet," said Artie, making an excursion into the realms of fiction. The stranger was obviously put out at this, but it was a momentary set back. " I would never have taken you for one of those cult people" he said." But they aren't poor those cult people, no real poverty there" " Members of cults," said Artie "are often very good at living off the land, very good at begging they are."

The stranger harked back to his earlier theme. "My own life story is a strange one," said the man "I wasn't always like this, my life used to be very different. You may not believe it, but at the present moment I am completely broke, dont see any hope for the future either. I dont suppose that's ever happened to you," he added.

"In the town of High Wycombe, which is in the Country of England" said Artemis, delving more deeply into fantasy "which happens to be my birthplace, there lives a philosopher who claims that one of the three best human blessings is to be completely without money. I forget what the other two are."

"Does this philosopher live the way he preaches?" asked the stranger scornfully.

"He lives happily with very little money or resources," said Artie, beginning to enjoy her story.

He probably has friends who help him out," said the stranger.

"In High Wycombe" said Artemis "Any citizen will help out anybody as a matter of course."

The stranger was now really interested. "If somebody like me, for example, who needed money because of no fault of their own, asked for a loan, would he get it?"

"Not before" said Artie, warming to her tale "he was taken to the nearest pub and given a few rounds of drinks, and then the money is put in his hand and good luck wished to him or her."

The stranger was now very interested indeed.

"I suppose you have given all that up since you have come to this country?" " Dont do that here I suppose." he said wistfully.

"I always keep the ancient customs" said Artie firmly.

"Then if I was to ask you for a loan-" began the stranger coaxingly, edging nearer on the bench "if I were to ask you for--"

Just then Artie saw her friends rounding the corner of the headland and got to her feet.

"Any other time, certainly," said Artie " In the months of April, May and June, however it is forbidden for any one of High Wycombe to give or receive money; it is unlucky. We can speak no more of this."

"I dont believe a word of it," said the stranger "pack of lies from beginning to end!"

Artie strolled off, thinking it had been a good match.

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