WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD NEVER BE

Cold morning waking up. Bright light pours through living room window. Sit stretch yawn scratch, lay back down. Look out window, nimble eyes meet white and bright glare and behold yet another small miracle of nature. Tiny white snow flakes floating gentle descent to cousins lay melting on the pavement... 32 degrees fahrenheit outside my living room window. Roughly 78 degrees fahrenheit inside my living room. Roughly 98.6 degrees fahrenheit snuggled up in warm blankets stretched out on my mattress in the living room. Thoughts turn to something hotter. Coffee would be a fine way to spend this morning alone looking out the window at snow. Already some has melted and some has stuck and some more is falling yet and coffee is steaming in my cup. I fold up covers and return my mattress to broken bed in my bedroom. Adjust the heat, roughly 78 degrees. Hot coffee. Sixteen years old. Cold cereal for breakfast something terribly sweet. Kitchen table covered with cat hairs books papers cereal bowl coffee cup but I sit alone. All the while white snow flakes gently descend and melt or stick on pavement but always white and always falling beneath gray white clouds and bright glare of early morning light.

Always alone too. 165 dollar stereo with double cassette deck plays Led Zeppelin II while I drink a second cup of coffee and spoon third bowl of sweetened vitamin enriched cereal and read the back of the box. Peer inside for the surprise. The cat creeps out from behind the curtain jumps out of the way of thrown object surprise hisses disappears gone again alone. Drinking hot coffee on the living room couch roughly 78 degrees fahrenheit inside 32 degrees outside. I wonder who will be the first to call today. Maybe Rod or maybe Troy or maybe Cooper or maybe...(Later Troy took his life, but that was many years later) And what is the plan today? Maybe the mall. Or shovel driveways for some extra cash and go to a movie. Or watch tv or listen to music Led Zeppelin is our favorite group or draw pictures and maybe theres a party tonight or there's this girl I know. Or maybe I'll just sit here and drink coffee all day and watch the snow. As long as it keeps up, as long as it keeps up falling down.

All this seems like yesterday, yet there are holes and some things are missing. None of the least of which is my friend Troy. I don't know if Troy came around that day. He doesn't come around these days. Rod and Cooper and the others are alive, in fact they're married or mostly all married but never come around. That is to say, I don't wait for them to call.

Zelig X
1994

Midi file: What is and what should never be, Led Zeppelin
Writing style inspired  by "Dog Years", a novel by Gunter Grass