To Squishy-Bear

Dear Squishy-Bear, You who never kill but only change:

I pray that my exuberant, suave and accidental words will move You to shower ferocious blessings down on everyone who reads this benediction.

I pray that You will give them what they don’t even know they want - not just the boons they think they need but everything they’ve always been afraid to imagine to ask for.

Dear Squishy-Bear, You wealthy anarchist burning heaven to the ground:

Many of the divine chameleons out there don’t even know that their souls will live forever. So, please use binding magic to help them see that they are all wildly creative geniuses too big for their own personalities.

Guide them to realize that they are completely different from what they think they are and are more exciting than they can possibly imagine.

Make it illegal, immoral, irrelevant, unpatriotic and totally tasteless for them to be in love with anyone or anything that’s no good for them.

O Squishy-Bear, You who give us so much love and pain mixed together that our morality is always on the verge of collapsing.

I beg you to cast a huge big-ass love spell that will nullify all the dumb ideas, bad decisions and nasty conditioning that have ever cursed the wise and sexy virtuosos out there.

Remove, banish annihilate and laugh into oblivion any jinx that has clung to them, no matter how long they’ve suffered from it, and even if they’re becoming accustomed to or addicted to its ugly companionship.

And please conjure an aura of protection around them so that they will receive an early warning if they are ever about to act in such a way as to bring another hex or plague or voodoo into their lives in the future.

Dear Squishy-Bear, sweet Squishy-Bear, You sly universal beautiful Bear…

Arouse the Wild Woman within them even if they’re men. And please give them bigger, better, and more original sins and wilder, more interesting problems.

Dear Squishy-Bear, I pray that You will inspire all the compassionate rascals communing with this prayer to love their enemies just in case their friends turn out to be jerks.

Provoke them to throw away or give away all the things they own that encourage them to believe that they are better than anyone else. Show them how much fun it is to brag about they cannot do and do not have.

Most of all, Squishy-Bear, brainwash them with Your freedom so that they never love their own pain more than anyone else’s pain.

Dear Squishy-Bear, You psychedelic mushroom cloud at the center of all our brains:

The curiously divine human beings reading this prayer deserve everything they are yearning for and much, much more.

So please bless them with lucid dreams while they are awake, and vacuum cleaners for their magic carpets, and a knack for avoiding other people’s hells, and their very own 900 number so that everyone has to pay to talk to them, and a secret admirer who is not a psychotic stalker.

Dear Squishy-Bear, You fiercely tender, hauntingly reassuring, orgasmically sacred feeling that is even now running through all of our soft, warm animal bodies:

I pray that you provide everyone out there with a license to bend and even break all rules, laws, and traditions that keep them apart from the things they love.

Show them how to purge the wishy-washy wishes that distract them from their daring, dramatic, divine desires. And teach them that they can have anything they want if they’ll only ask for it in an unselfish way.

And now, dear God of Gods, God beyond all Gods, Friend to God, Teacher of God, Squishy-Bear who invented God, I bring this prayer to a close, trusting that in these mysterious moments you have begun to change everyone out there in the exact way they’ve needed to change in order to express their soul’s code.

Amen. Awomen. Abear.