Untitled

As if contempt were tangible
You could drown within the borders of its deep sticky waters
blind yourself stupid
with self-pity and a fatigue of horrid visions
a despair stalking and beating you
with thoughts conjured by all too willing need.

My face is taut amid my seizures
tears warbling from white and glassy eyes
my throat constricts with sufferings misunderstood
No word can be enough!
No thought could change the world!
I
am
powerless.
One man, one complex soul -- flung amid a sea untranquil.

I learned how to survive, but not how to save myself
Became adept at grasping, but never holding --
And holding on while never finding a grasp.
I left myself responsible for others
found the universe wanting of the will to be saved from itself
Corrupted my own existence with the guilt of failure
Locked up my own substance, held captive my fire
Quieted the August exuberance and the wailing November
and discovered more of myself than others find
Less than others come to see -- within themselves.

You, you, you, you do this to me!
Always did this to me
always with me, always emptied me:
I alone was there.
Too much without the world
too much within myself
Too too little that came to be!


6/1/95
Revised 1/6/96


Regards,
Jinx