Fugitive, Zelig X, Surrenders To God Emperor Emissaries
Jul 15, 3:00 P.M. (PT)
San Francisco, Ca. (GP) A secret source revealed Friday afternoon that the
man calling himself The Graphite God Emperor in hiding, Zelig X, voluntarily
surrendered to emissaries of God Emperor Wnstnsmth. The source stated that
Zelig X initiated lines of communication with representatives of Graphite
Emperor Wnstnsmth and agreed to be transported to an undisclosed location in
an attempt to prove his innocence and clear his name of any wrong doing in
the earlier reported death of The God Emperor.
The secret source, claiming to be hidden in a nearby phone booth at the
scene of the surrender, stated that a dusty and disheveled Zelig X emerged
from a cave in the side of a hill. Clothed only in dirt caked underwear,
and brandishing a pistol over his head, Zelig X, slowly made his way down
the hill to a nearby road. Once he reached the road, a 60's era black
Cadillac quickly pulled out from behind a nearby Roadside diner and stopped
approximately 50 feet from Zelig. The driver stuck a bull horn out of the
window and demanded that Zelig drop his weapon. It was later determined
that the pistol was actually a crudely carved bar of soap covered with black
shoe polish. After The God Emperor in hiding complied with the order to
drop his weapon, two hooded men jumped out and placed a paper sack over his
head before dragging him back to the black Cadillac. The secret source
stated, "They tossed him into the backseat of the Cadillac like a sack of
cats".
The secret source stated that he last saw the black Cadillac speeding away
toward the westbound 80 onramp.
After the black Cadillac had departed, the secret source stated that he
investigated the cave that Zelig X had apparently been dwelling in for the
past three days. The source stated that his computer detected a faint
wireless signal which is why, he deduced, Zelig had picked the location to
"hole up". The source also reported finding a stack of "girlie mags", a
case of empty Dasani water bottles, and the remains of a dozen rats.
Well, this reporter is thoroughly disgusted. Until I hear something else,
this is - Well yeah, I'm the Graphite Secret Source (GSS) - DT.